I quickly got out of the red Rover 200 that didn’t belong to me and into the mine which was about six cars over looking over my shoulder to see if any one saw me….

I’ve had a company car for the last 4 years and while I have been given the contents of the bottom of the barrel when it comes to distributing cars this time round they have really crossed the line…

The first company car I had was a 1999 Peugeot 306, this was a nifty little motor that went like shit off a shovel, an upgrade on the diesel Ford Fiesta I was driving before. The 306 was a petrol which meant it was a hell of a lot of fun to drive, it’s only problem lay in that it was gold, yes, gold… The only reason I can think of why someone would choose to have a gold car from new would be that they are a gangster pimp living in Crompton, L.A. driving a Cadillac Escalade. So if you work the math – this was a company owned Pug 306  in Leicester – it defies logic to buy it in a gold colour. It makes no sense – but then again little ever does at the place I work. Anyway…

They sold the 306 – the company where I work figured that this was tied up cash that could be released and they could lease cars, I inherited a 2004 307 from a manager that had quit. Hold on, I wasn’t complaining, this was the best car I have ever had in my possession, leather seats, electric seats, multi CD changer, 136 bhp and thankfully gun metal grey metallic paint.

This 307 was then taken away because the lease had expired and I was landed with a 5th hand 407 – truly a business man’s car, very executive in silver and Paula never minded me picking her up in front of her friends. This car, as you’d expect, was an awesome motorway car, you could do 110mph and barely notice you were going that fast. The main problem was I don’t do much motorway driving, I do my driving around the city mostly. Around the city the best way to describe driving this is like trying to navigate a canal barge around the streets of Leicester. The car removed fun from driving.

Which brings me to the latest company car, a 1998 Rover 200 and It’s obvious why Rover went down the pan in 2005. I’m all for supporting the English manufacturing industry but these cars are just a sack of shit and I wouldn’t wish them on anyone. The styling may have been cutting edge in 1995 when it was designed but they kept the model identical until Rover got shut down in ’05. 

Internal rumours have it that my company has found a cheaper way of dealing with the company cars and may issue us with a cash car allowance instead and I certainly won’t be throwing my cash at a Rover – any suggestions? If it comes around to it atm I’ll probably play it safe and get myself a diesel Ford Focus and begin my jouney to die an average man. Either this or I may use my dad’s contacts on get a classic car like a 70′s convertible Mustang

Anyway, so the reason my car is messy isn’t that I’m lazy or that Paula can’t be arsed to take her trash with her- it’s because the car is shit. Yes, yes.